1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Run up to an employee (preferrebly a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!!"
6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms
9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "sex and candy"
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"
15. Repeat 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Try putting different pairs of women’s panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M’s on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I’m Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won’t you people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!)
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. While no one’s watching quickly switch the men’s and women’s signs on the doors of the rest room.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
40. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
41. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone’s jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
42. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
43. Two words: "Marco Polo."
44. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.
45. "Re-alphabetize" the CD’s in Electronics.
46. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
47. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
48. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
49. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It’s those voices again!"
50. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
51. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
52. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
53. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
54. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something,quickly make off with it without saying a word.
55. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
56. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
57. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
58. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "Hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign? (giggle)."
59. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
60. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
61. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
62. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
63. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
64. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
65. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
66. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
67. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a "test drive."
68. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don’t realize it.
70. Get an empty book, and say it’s a guest book. Get people to sign.
71. Play a game of indoor freeze tag
72. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming!"
73. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes
74. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices
75. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane
76. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X (aisle X being the condom aisle)
77. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saing "I’m gonna save us from that bomb!"
78. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight.
79. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over.
80. When people aren’t looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if they are a gal, put in a jock strap.
81. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section
82. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell walls.
83. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive dinner.
84. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk tries to stop you, kick in his balls (dont try it on a chick, it won’t work), run, but leave the cart. See what happens.
85. If people aren’t looking at their cart, steal it.
86. Go to the gun section, saying "Can I buy a gun? I’m tired of that stupid smily face!"
87. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use wite-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund.
88. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught
89. Take a leak in the dressing rooms.
90. Repeadeately say "The clowns are not eating me."
91. Use fake checks, but sign them using your neighbors name.
92. Rearrange items as you see fit.
93. Take a full set of guy’s clothes and a full set of gal’s clothes, then leave them lying somewhere.
94. Put pokemon stuff in a cart that is full of stuff like KoRn and Limp Bizkit CDs
95. Grab condoms and stick them in everyone’s face (only the opposite sex)
96. Do 95 but with the same sex (not recomended)
97. Grab stickers that say "radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.
98. Follow someone until they notice
99. Pull out pins, like that guy form the 7up commercial
100. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here.
101. Record yourself while having sex, then have it play over and over gain in the middle of a clothes rack.
102. Ask if "hanging sex chair swings" are in furniture, sporting goods or toys
103. Ask trainee for a bogus product, wait for them to ask for it over the intercom
104. Dress exactly like the manager and walk around the store abusing people.
105. drop adult diapers into peoples carts
106. Remove all pricing stickers from all items before checking out
107. Ask how much for the Big W out front.
108. Padlock all the carts together
109. Go in wearing a towel and ask for soap
110. Post ’Found Person’ flyers in their ’Missing Persons’ billboard.
111. Test out the Riding Mowers.
112. Take a picture of the manager and post a wanted sign out front.
113. Ask to see a selection of their most popular walls.
114. Ask if they have co-ed changing rooms
115. Fill two carts up with condoms. Act innocent.
116. Act like you’ve never seen automatic sliding doors.
117. Make a fort
118. have deep, lengthy conversations...with a manequin
119. Dial into the PA System. Announce new store-wide prices.
120. Place Milk back behind the bleach.
121. Find a young girl about ages 16-18 and put a planned pregnancy magazine in her cart.
122. Put a plastic surgery magazine into a males cart.
123. Drop panties and jars of vaseline into men’s shopping carts
124. Dodge ball with the big bouncy balls
125. Buy a bikini for the cute girl at the register
126. set all the radios to polka stations and turn volume up really loud
127. After the loudspeaker comes on, shout "Dad, was that you?"
128. Follow random people around and spray everything they touch with Lysol
129. Beat a little kid at Nintendo. Make him cry.
130. Scream every time the checkout person scans an item
131. Ask if they have seen Mike Rotch. Have them ask over the PA.
132. Dress up like an employee and go up to some random person and say "may i suggest our deoderent and healthcare section"
133. walk up to an employee and say there is a code 10 in isle 4 see how they react
134. put tampons in elmos hand
135. Make out with the big plastic Ronald McDonald (its even better if your male)
136. Say loudly "my mom will love this" whilst holding sexy lingerie
137. Steal a smock while someone is one lunch break and start checking people out.
138. Play limbo with the brooms.
139. go to the check out lane and tell the cashier that dwayne said hi
140. find the sexiest lingerie and ask if it comes in childrens’ sizes
141. Hide in the clothing racks, and while someone is browsing (make sure there’s a lot of people around) drop an item and if they go to pick it up fart as they bend over.
142. Go to the Pet Dept. and ask if the dead fish are half-price (true story)
143. Fart ALOT
144. make a fort out of big bags of toilet paper then scream when someone takes one
145. run up to an aisle near the bathroom with toilet paper on your shoe and your belt unbuckled and be like "would anyone happen to know where the air freshener aisle is?"
146. Walk up to random people asking "has the drop been made?"
147. watch a movie
148. Ask the employees to recommend & describe personal lubricants
149. sneak up on old people and scream penis at the top of your lungs then run
150. Grab as many balls you can find and peg them at random kids around the store.
151. Put your large intestine on sale
152. Ask if the condoms come in womens sizes.
153. put up a tent and move in
154. Give out the most expensive items there as free samples.
155. Buy a salmon. Hide it under a shelf and wait for the store to be evacuated
156. write fake doctor prescription notes and see if they work
157. walk up to the manager and ask him where a good store is
158. Make love to a mannequin inside a tent.
159. Act like your lover left you and cry loudly
160. Take a crap in one of their tents and padlock it shut.
161. Moon a security camera
162. Carry around watermelon and offer them to black people.
163. Do everything on this list in one visit without being arrested