Tuesday, March 22, 2011


Isn't that a big enough word to make you close the page?
Or do I really have to write my feelings on here, and get all mushy?
I think we'll BOTH pass.

Wife says to husband: "Whisper dirty things into my ear". Husband leans in and whispers: "Dishes, Laundry, living room"

On another note (to get the hell off the topic of marriage, because it needs to be off my mind)

siht gindear er'ouy fi toidi na er'ouY (now read it backwards) 

Did you not see the word "Shit" when you first read this? haha

Think: if you were on a deserted island, what one item would you bring?
How come no one ever says a boat?? Der duh derrrrr!
Anything else is just about as pointless as a white crayon.

I love the way Veruca (sp?) Salt says "squirrel" on the new Willy Wonka, whatever whatever movie. :D

Redneck word of the day - Coffee: My granddad's got a cold, and every time her tries to coffee wets his pants.

I'm allergic to tickles. I break out in giggles.

I suppose the economy really sucks; today I saw an empty turtle shell with a foreclosure sign taped to the side.
I was riding a horse yesterday and fell off, almost got killed! Luckily the Walmart supervisor saw and came over to unplug it.
I'm on a mission! The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
ghewttttttttt   <--- my attempt to type with my chin :D
Guess what? I'm naked under all these clothes!
I am going to buy two fish one called 1 and the other one called 2 so if 1 dies I've still got 2!
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you're lying becomes less important.
I wonder why its called a walkie talkie, yet a vacuum isn't called a pushy sucky?
I'm amazed that you can hold your nose and hum at the same time. Ha Ha! You can't! Comment if you tried this!

Changing things up: Sitting on the TV watching the couch.

My imaginary giraffe got taken hostage today :(
But on the bright site, Dory taught me whale today :) 
I learned today that writing is like going to the bathroom. At first you have to, but then you do it because it feels AMAZING! It's also like sex (sometimes). It feels great at first, then it gets boring, then eventually annoying. My teacher says it's like prostitution. No Joke. First you do it for love, then for a few close friends, then for money.
I've decided that the next time I get caught doing something really bad, I'm going to pretend I don't speak English...or any other language you know. *Click Click Clock Tick. Then if I really get caught, I'm going to tell them the rice crispies told me to do it.
I've discovered today that the only way you can look is forward. Since your eyes face that way. 
Have you noticed that M&M's have W's on them now?
I noticed a giant blue kangaroo on my couch today, and it had bubbles! Where did it get the bubbles? I WANT SOME BUBBLES!!
Remember not to eat pineapples! Spongebob might become homeless. :(
I found out why buffaloes can't fly! Everyone keeps eating their wings.
In honor of Easter: if chickens ate nothing but marshmallows, would they give birth to peeps?
Ya know a good way to mess with your neighbor? Buy the same TV as them. Therefore you have the same remote. Then you can change their channels.
Let's play rock paper scissors. Ready? Rock. Paper. Gun. I win :)
BTW! It's FRIDAY!! Oh sorry, just practicing :)
I wish I was a glowworm. How could you be unhappy if your butt glows?
Think about it: Is that dollar bill in your pocket the same dollar bill that was once in a stripper's pants? 

P.S. I didn't lose my mind, it got taken by penguins wearing blue jumpsuits. 

Can trees grow bugs?

I SWEAR! Theres a tree that grows a lot around here, and the pods grown from the tree have seeds in them, and the seeds have 1 bug in them. No, it's not an egg that a bug laid. No no. Its seriously grown from the tree. I can't figure out what they're called, maybe you know? The picture above kinda looks like the pods, but I am not sure if it's exactly them. Take a look, yo.

Convincing my boyfriend that this tree is a fountain of life was an impossible task. He insists that theres a single egg in every one. Or that the bugs get in them when the seeds are soft and young. BS! There's no way the same type of bug gets into every last one of those seeds. This tree is like a miracle tree. Maybe if we somehow connect dead people to it, it'll sprout them to life!! YES!

Friday, March 18, 2011

These words


Aggravating. Iridescent. Beautiful. Menacing. Annoying. Fun. Delightful. Exasperating. Sad. Bothersome. Sparkly. Timely. Disturbing. Cannibalistic. Confusing. Killer. Expensive. Wasteful Thinking. Headaches. Memories. Turmoil.

Let these words teach you a lesson about life.
You'll move on.

Monday, March 14, 2011

New ways to eat soup.

New ways to eat soup being introduced to society.

To Whom It May Concern:

Spoons are no longer legal here in the Milky Way. Any liquids to wish to scarf down are to be eaten with sponges. Fun-shaped sponges make meals exciting!!

Sorry for the inconvenience (not really),


Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Mustache March

I've noticed that the parenthesis in this font are quite extensively rounded! I guess it just makes a very happy smiley face, or very sad. :)

Anyways! It's MUSTACHE MARCH and all you germs better be sportin' those staches! A man named Jon Paul from my Sunday Funnies Tattoo bowling league enlightened me about Mustache March. Him and his dad were prepared for the month-long event beforehand. Jon Paul's friends and family say he looks like a rapist, but if you pulled up a picture of Luigi, they'd be twins! I was a bit disappointed in his father, for he was not wearing a mustache. He had a goatee. It's not Goatee March, gosh.

Greek Flavor

Man! Have you tried Greek yogurt?! Not a single spice or fruit can be put in it to make it half way delicious. It's disgusting. Since when is yogurt supposed to smell like cheese and taste like rotten, heated cheese (or sour cream)?

In chemistry, I learned that atoms give off light when they have energy they need to get rid of. Then doesn't that make sense that light DOESN'T come from space, that it comes from the atoms in a light bulb? 

Don't you hate it when your stomach makes a gurgle or a squirting sound in an extremely quiet environment? Then you feel it coming up and either your throat gurgles or you burp uncontrollably? Ugh. 

I'm going to make a cake this summer. EPIC cake. That's what I'll name it :) Its going to have this cool strip stuff that is leopard and zebra print. Then cupcakes with fondant, cake crispies, lots of sprinkles, and exciting frosting. 

Does anyone know if ilovetuneup.com works? I would like to purchase it (yes,  I'm OCD about my ipod not being perfect), but I don't know if it will actually work. Let me know!

Got a cool question? Post it as a comment :) I'm just ITCHING to know what your brain finds confuzzling! 

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Define "skintight" please

Does the word "skintight" mean tight on your skin, or tight as skin. The world may never know.

In my attempt to find a picture for this posting, I searched "skin" on google images, and found a baby penis, a diagram of a woman's breast, a girl with a carved back, and whatever THIS is...